Иван Потапов (Sean O'Shea) (ingumsky) wrote,
Иван Потапов (Sean O'Shea)
ingumsky

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Киган снова в "Ньюкасле"

Что ж, не знаю, какие дивиденды это принесёт Баркодам, потому что лично я испытываю смешанные чувства от этого назначения, но всё равно интересно -) Тем более, что Киган — легенда "Ливерпуля".

Читал сегодня текстовую трансляцию BBC, в которой параллельно шли четыре матча Кубка Англии. Один из них как раз "Ньюкасла". Первый при Кигане. Комментатор там очень смешно докладывал о событиях на Сент-Джеймс Парк. В общем, я не удержался и "вырезал" матч "Ньюкасла", чтобы поделиться им с остальными. Кому интересно, текст под катом.

1900: Apparently they've been queuing round the block at St James' Park since just gone 4pm - The Messiah is back in town, and we could be in for a ripper of a night up in Newcastle.

No news yet as to whether King Kev will be showing his face for the replay against Stoke. Meanwhile at TV Centre, Alan Shearer has been sighted and half our office are currently trying to nail him down for a chat. They need to be careful, sharp elbows that Shearer...

1902: News reaches us that the Newcastle-Stoke kick-off has been put back 15 minutes to 2000 GMT because of the late rush for tickets. Apparently most of the city are expecting Kev to be presented on the pitch tonight, although the club have refused to confirm this.

1912: For his part, Gary Lineker doesn't reckon his MOTD mate Alan Shearer will take up a job as Keegan's number two: "I can't see Alan as a number two," Lineker said. "It was mooted he was interested in the job, I'd be very surprised if he went along on those terms."

1915: The consensus in this office is that Newcastle have made, as Ron Atkinson was fond of saying, a serious ricket. Keegan won't have the same spending power as the big four, the big players won't want to go there - it's as simple as that. Who do the Newcastle fans think he is? The Messiah? Hang on a second, they do don't they?

1930: In contrast to Gary Lineker, former Newcastle skipper and MOTD pundit Gavin Peacock reckons Shearer will take a role at Newcastle: "I wouldn't rule out someone like Shearer being brought in by Keegan as an assistant or a coach to learn his trade. Kevin's an empowerer, he likes to see people grow under his influence." So, not only is Keegan The Messiah and King Kev, he's also The Empowerer. No pressure son, no pressure...

Newcastle make two changes from the team that lost 6-0 at Manchester United on Saturday, with Mark Viduka and Emre coming in for suspended midfield duo Alan Smith and Nicky Butt.

1950: Extraordinary scenes at St James' Park, where loads of fans have already had King Kev's name emblazoned across the back of their Newcastle strips.

1958: News in that King Kev has entered the building up in Newcastle - whether he arrived by sedan chair has yet to be confirmed. They're now playing Football's Coming Home inside St James' Park - it's verging on hysterical up there, I think the city of Newcastle might fold in on itself and disappear up Keegan's backside when he finally strolls onto the pitch. Although we're not sure that's going to happen yet...

2004: We are under way at St James' Park, and it's Stoke with the first chance, Shay Given parrying a shot into the path of Ryan Shawcross, but the defender flashing into the side netting from a tight angle.

2006: Stoke fashion another chance at St James', Ricardo Fuller surging into the box and beating one man before his shot is smothered by Given. Michael Owen then has Newcastle's first sniff of goal, curling a right-footed effort over from 20 yards.

2009: GOAL Newcastle 1-0 Stoke
And it's the first goal of the third Keegan era at St James' Park - and it comes from Michael Owen, the England striker pouncing after a goal-mouth scramble to give Newcastle the lead. I have been accused of anti-Newcastle bias on the 606 message boards, with one man screaming: "Ben Dirs' bitterness towards NUFC is coming across loud and clear." My brother used to support Newcastle as a kid, but I got on rather well with him. Plus, I've always rather liked their strip, so no beef from me.

2019: News reaches me that King Kev has arrived at St James' Park...AND HERE HE RUDDY IS!!! AS IF BY MAGIC, THE MESSIAH HAS ENTERED THE STADIUM! HE WAS HOVERING! I'M TELLING YOU HE HOVERED INTO THE STADIUM LIKE A GIANT KESTREL! Ruddy awful leather jacket though, he looks less like the Messiah and more like the bloke who owns the catering shop downstairs from me.

2022: Keegan's first words to journalists on entering the stadium: "It's great to be back." The bloke sat next to the left of him looks a lot like former Essex and England all-rounder Derek Pringle. Apparently Mrs Keegan is in the hood as well. Bet she's over the moon that Kev has decided to uproot from Marbella and take on an extremely stressful job that he really doesn't need...

2025: Bit of studs-up from John Eustace and Emre has a nasty golf-ball sized lump on his shin to show for it. That was right in front of the referee and the Turk has got the raving hump that Eustace wasn't punished.

2030: RED CARD: Emre
Newcastle down to 10 men - it's going off like a box of faulty fireworks all over the grounds. Emre is given a straight red for a shocking tackle on John Eustace. Emre, who was the victim of a terrible tackle minutes earlier by Eustace, catches the Stoke player high on the shin. Awful and the first red of the new era of Keegan.

2032: GOAL Newcastle 2-0 Stoke
Just a minute after losing Emre, Newcastle double their lead, Claudio Cacapa heading home a corner at the near post. Half-time at Hereford, where it remains goalless.

2043: Keegan busy signing autographs over at St James' Park while owner Mike Ashley looks decidedly smug, like a boy who knows he has just pulled the best-looking treacle at a youth club disco.

2049: Keegan pressing the flesh as the half-time whistles blows - he's got Geordies all over him like an Asda suit. As the man to my right just pointed out, he won't be buying the drinks at half-time...

2053: One can only begin to imagine the scenes in the St James' Park bar at half-time. There'll be lepers in there, blind people, Terry McDermott will rock up with fives loaves and a couple of fishes - it's mayhem up there folks, mayhem...

2104: Players are back out after the interval at St James' and we will have play in a couple of minutes.

2107: The second half is under way up at Newcastle. Here's some chat from Shearer about Keegan and stuff...wait a minute, the story's not up yet, will stick it up in a minute.

2109: There's a chap sat behind Keegan wearing a grey Lyle and Scott sweater. I went into buy a similar effort in my local clothing emporium only to discover that they're £75. £75 for a sweater! Just because it's got a yellow bird on it! Anyway, I popped next door to H&M and picked up a sweater AND and shirt for £25. You do the math. Only thing is, they'll fall apart after one wash.

2122: Jon "The Beast" Parkin has been substituted for Stoke. Not sure who's replaced him, I'll endeavour to find out and will let you know...Salif Diao it is who's on...

2126: There's Sir Bobby Robson in the crowd, looking like a cross between late jazz impresario George Melly and Bugsy Spiegel. He looks like he's going to pull out a Tommy Gun and start strafing the punters below with bullets.

2128: GOAL Newcastle 3-0 Stoke
James Milner makes it 3-0 for the Magpies, breaking free after a veeeery long ball from defence and lashing a right-footed shot into the bottom right-hand corner. Rory Delap had a chance at the other end seconds earlier, and should have done better with his free header.

2131: Ashley really does look amused by his little coup. I wish I could say I was that amused when I last visited his West End flagship store Lillywhites. Used to be a cracking little place where you could get croquet sets and £900 tennis raquets, now you can't move for cheap, affordable sportswear. Disgraceful.

2135: GOAL Newcastle 4-0 Stoke The Magpies are out of sight and it's an all-out knees-up at St James' Park. Charles N'Zogbia squares for Damien Duff and the Ireland winger slots the ball past Stoke keeper Steve Simonsen.

2149: GOAL Newcastle 4-1 Stoke
Consolation goal for Stoke up at Newcastle, Liam Lawrence carving himself out some space on the edge of the box and curling a right-foot shot past Shay Given. Good strike that, but I can't see it taking the gloss off King Kev's night.

2152: FULL-TIME Newcastle 4-1 Stoke
What a start for Kevin Keegan - Newcastle make short work of Stoke despite playing 60 minutes with 10 men after the dismissal of Emre.
Tags: football, humour, lfc
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